Adam Noto Hakarsa / Logs

I never thought there are writing techniques. Using those techniques, I have become a much better writer. I learned those rhetorical techniques by taking expository writing classes such as EXPO-15, and primarily EXPO-34. I am planning to take other EXPO classes as well. In EXPO-34, which is Business Rhetorics, I learned many things, among which is how we should divide the writing process into three stages following the Can Do Writing technique:

1. Analysis stage (first stage) -> select the right facts, organize points into sentence outline
2. Composing (2nd stage) -> learn the formats for introductions, summaries, and abstracts
3. Editing (3rd stage) -> mechanical stage ensuring the our document has purpose, is logical, well organized, clear, concise and easy to read

This post is heavily influenced by the Can Do Writing book, but the EXPO-34 class I took with Prof. Randy Rosenthal is more than just that. I am glad I took his class.

Analysis

1. This stage deals with finding out our audience, writing purpose statement, selecting facts and then organizing sentence outline. As much of our writing is based on this stage, and as such, in this method, there is only analyst block instead of  writers’ block.
2. Skip this stage if your document captures data, such as loan form, instead of exposing ideas. Poorly organized documents have the same cause: author skipped/took shortcuts in analysis.
3. Don’t obsess over word choice yet. For any English text of 26 words, there are more than 6 billion ways to write the same thing. If you obsess about it, you need a hobby.
4. The sentence outline has purpose statement while the rest are points which accomplish what you proposed
5. Some important questions to ask:
   • Who is the audience? Again, be specific! If you don’t know, or misidentify them, you are doomed to fail. Ask/find out if necessary.
   • What do you want? Be specific! Say: we want the government to partner with us, instead of: my company wants to inform the government about our software. Or: we want the company president to abort the plan. Misidentifying what you desire can be really fatal as the document will communicate differently from what you hoped. At the end, pick the verb: describe? explain? highlight? summarize? inform? present? notifies? alert? warn?
   • What they do with the information? Go beyond the obvious of “the audience reads and evaluates…” but exactly what they do with the information that they read and evaluate. Do they advise others? Do they make a decision? Do they follow instructions? It’s the outcome you desired.
   • What information they need to accomplish what they should do? Do not tell them everything we know. Readers do not care how much we know unless that knowledge helps them do something. If our audience is a venture capitalist that using our information to judge whether to invest or not, they don’t need to know the intricate processes how you make your special soft bread, they need to know, however, the capital required, the ROI, payback schedule, and some risks. You can ask them what information they need.
   • Do they know much or little about the information? If no, define words, give examples, provide analogies, draw pictures, show formulas, provide proofs. Else, you may use jargon. If you don’t know, the wiser approach is to assume readers know much and thus write a short doc. Let them ask for a longer version.
   • What kind of document is this? Is it a report? A staff study? A research paper? Memo? Message? Note? Marketing plan? Business plan? Budget? Proposal? Report? Audit? Resume? Manual? Policy? Procedure? Guidance? Just knowing the type readers can expect its length, information, organization, formality, and so on. Be specific.
6. From there, we can work on a purpose statement for example:
   • The audience–home owners.
   • What do you want–describe to them.
   • Outcome–reduce utility bills.
   • What information they need–three energy-saving tips
   • Type of document–report. The purpose statement thus: This report describes three energy-saving tips home-owners can use to reduce utility bills. Remember that whereas those parts are important, the exact wording nor ordering is not.
7. Focus on the reader. A document that starts, I am writing to inform about our new product has an egoistical tone.
8. Purpose statement should help readers check whether the reader’s purpose of reading the document aligns well with what stated by the document itself. For example, if a purpose statement reads: this letter alerts parents about the dangers of COVID-19 outbreak in Jakarta and how to protect your loved ones, and the reader realizes that they’re not a parent, they can stop reading. Or, if they’re not in Jakarta, they can stop reading too as their purpose don’t align with the doc’s.
9. If the doc has multiple audiences, you can write separate docs. Alternatively, break into sections each serving a different audience or add abstract or executive summaries. If document is broken into sections, each would need their own intro, body and conclusion.
10. After that we select facts. There can be many facts/evidences, but carefully select those that are relevant to the reader. Thus selecting facts is not about researching facts, nor gathering facts.
11. Only after we have produced purpose statement and facts can we start outlining our points.
12. Each point would be a paragraph on its own. So, a point cannot be a fact.
13. In fact, a point tells audiences what those facts mean.
14. We don’t have to worry about supporting your point with facts yet at this stage.
15. Points that are supported by facts help convince the reader.
16. As the introduction and conclusion follow formats, they don’t need outlining.
17. Points are ideally 3 to 10 word sentences. Shorter points help make ideas memorable.
18. Outlining is important because finding and fixing problems in an outline is faster than in draft paragraphs.
19. After writing your points, compare them with your purpose statement. Eliminate any irrelevant or redundant point. Points that need the same supporting facts with existing ones are redundant.
20. Some point might be a fact that does not get its own paragraph but belongs under another point.
21. Order the points based on what the audience does with the information:
    • Advise others: sources, methods, findings, conclusion/recommendation.
    • Make decision: conclusion/recommendation, findings. Omit or limit sources and methods, as decision makers hire experts who consider sources and methods.
    • Perform a task: expected result, instructions. They do not need sources and methods.
22. Sometimes the ordering can be put in purpose statement:
    

    This proposal describes our qualifications, technical approach, costs, and your savings if we convert your telephone system to wireless.

Composing the Draft

1. With sound analysis, you will have smooth experience composing your draft.
2. Write your draft as you speak. Sometimes, when you talk to yourself or imagining you are in conversation, you can produce better, more authentic piece of writing.
3. Start your paragraph with a topic sentence in almost all cases. The topic sentence should be an opinion rather than fact. Follow CEE: Claim, Evidence, Explanation. Ensure your evidence proves your claim.
4. Get into the habit of using active voice, either in the form of who does what (Bob hit the wall) or what does what (The ball flew over the fence). Passive voice makes people guess: the system was updated, who updated it? The system updated itself? We don’t know!Passive:
   

   the investigation is started only after a legal complaint has been submitted.

   What does what:

   the investigation starts only after a legal complaint.

   Who does what:

   the police start an investigation only after a citizen submits a legal complaint.

5. Tend to use simpler words from the get go if possible. Utilize use. Additional more. Apparent clear. Demonstrate show. Enumerate count. Identical same. Magnitude size. Minimum least. Modification change. Necessitate need. Operate use. Optimum best. Preliminary first. Probability chance. Represents shows. Terminate end. And so forth.
6. Yet, postpone giving attention to any mechanical issue. Don’t let wording, punctuation nor grammar become impediment to your draft writing. Premature editing double the time required to produce the doc.
7. Use [brackets] to mark questionable words or facts or anything that needed attention later on.
8. Take short ten-minute breaks every hour. With your outline, you can efficiently resume composing the draft for the remaining points.
9. It might help to be in a good environment: quiet, well lit, and comfortable.
10. Remember that a good document present information in this way:
    • Introduction: helps readers use the document
    • Body: provides information readers need
    • Conclusion: tell readers what happens next
11. Yet, compose in this order:
    • Draft the body
    • Draft the conclusion
    • Draft the introduction. Until you have the body and the conclusion, we don’t have document to introduce
    • Draft the executive summary, if needed. One reads an executive summary having decided not to read it.
    • Draft the abstract, if needed. One reads an abstract to decide whether to read it or not.
12. Make the purpose statement the first sentence in your introduction. The second sentence may be the document plan, which helps readers focus all their attention on your points and supporting facts. Example: this letter explains how college students can apply for a federal loan. You learn about eligibility, insurance requirements, rates, and responsibilities.
13. Intro can have 5 optional parts which you can use especially if the readers don’t know much about the information or required proof. Those are, in no particular order:
    • Background puts readers in context. Limit to information readers need to use the document.
    • Audience made further detail/assumption about the reader. In this manual, we assume the user has a working knowledge of accounting and is familiar with the Federal Tax Form I-1320.
    • Sources and methods tell readers that you performed experiments, consulted a survey, researched the literature, etc.
    • Keywords defines crucial jargon. In this policy, part-time employees refers to persons working fewer than 42 hours each week. It may also defines how we use visual devices in the doc: safety warnings enclosed within red border box.
    • Limitations communicate so that readers don’t think the author is hiding something. Although we conducted 250 interviews with college professors, we are not authorized to see students academic transcript.
      

      This report describes the growing gap between business’s need for employees with writing skills and the writing skills for college graduates (Purpose statement). Leaders in government, business, and education need to consider ways to narrow this gap (Audience).

      First, we report findings that measure the gap for manufacturing and service industries. Second, we measure industry’s investment in closing the gap. In Appendix A, the National Commission on Writing recommends policies to narrow the gap. (Doc plan).

      The College Entrance Examination Board, Inc. commissioned a survey of 120 major corporations employing 8 million people. The survey responds to a growing concern about the decline in writing skills as the economy moves forward into the Information Age. (Sources and methods).

      Throughout the report, we make a distinction between hourly and professional employees. We define an hourly employee as eligible for overtime pay. (Keywords).

      The data for the manufacturing sector includes all heavy and light manufacturing. However, the data on the service industry is limited to financial, insurance, and real estate corporations. (Limitations).

      Adapted from “Writing: A Ticket to Work or a Ticket Out”

14. If you are communicating bad news, begin with a short, noncontroversial statement before the purpose statement in order to avoid being overly blunt: Last year’s core inflation stands at 3.5% at a time our energy cost increased by 12.8%. Therefore, this letter notifies you that effective March 1, the office space fee shall increase by 7.25%.
15. Make each point the first sentence of your paragraphs. This helps readers to skim read the doc. If your paragraph begin with facts, we are most likely reading your notes from your research (data dump).
16. The conclusion in most document can be about telling readers what happens next or who does what next. It may recalls the purpose statement, specifically the outcome. If the purpose statement reads this staff study explores ways we can reduce costs, the conclusion may read our team will set up an executive meeting in a week to discuss the points presented in this staff study. Thus, conclusion needs to be specific.
17. A conclusion that begs to be ignored: your help in any way is much appreciated instead, write: please update my account as per the notarized document and send me a signed revision.
18. In academic writing, the conclusion is a summary of key findings. But, in business and technical docs, any summary of key findings goes in the executive summary.
19. Executive summary comes before the introduction and serves managers. It highlights purpose statement, gives recommendation, states key points and optionally tell what happens next. This letter warns the management of the business risks associated with accelerating deployment of the new credit card system. We recommend you to stick with the original schedule or risk a loss of $1.3 million in revenue in addition to potentially losing customers and reputation. If you decide to proceed, we must modify the contract and increase fees. Surely, avoid technical jargon. Use words managers know and resist adding supporting details.
20. Abstracts use technical language and assume knowledge of advanced concept. By having only these five parts, it helps expert who advise managers:
    • Topic of what is being studied by whom.
    • Significance of the topic. Why did we study it?
    • Sources and methods explaining how the study is carried out.
    • Key points about the findings we learned.
    • Conclusion.
      

      A team of senior engineers examined the technical risks of accelerating the new credit card processing system. We ran red/green simulations and analysis to identify weaknesses in the system in its present state of development. The simulations indicate the system can be offline for 3 hours each day. It may also provide only 50% efficiency compared with our existing, running system in production. The team also found that the bank’s 17,000 customers who are still using a different, legacy integration system will be unable to use their cards at all. We thus believe that the system will fail meeting functional requirements as desired, and thus the bank may experience serious financial consequences as acceleration involves a high degree of technical risk.

Editing

1. Intend to make your work easy to read. It is a hallmark of successful communication that complicated subject can be understood easily. It doesn’t mean dumbing down. Use some readability score to test how easy to read your doc.
2. Editing takes 50% of the work. Plan your time.
3. Three edit stages:
   • Ensuring the logic
   • Applying verbal and visual clues to make the logic more obvious
   • Making it economical: make sentences clear, concise and easy to read
4. Editing is a multi-pass activity; apply one or two techniques per pass.
5. You may need to edit from paper as word processor only let you see a small window of your doc, and that people read about 25% faster on paper.
6. Unless you pass the organization test, you will need to revisit analysis and redo sentence outlining. Those tests are:
   • Do paragraphs begin with facts? If yes, it’s a data dump.
   • Does the doc read like a story? If yes, we are reading how you solved the problem or how the information affects you. Readers only interested in information that helps them. So, instead of: We received your order and the warehouse has reported that they are available. The warehouse team will inform the operations after which your order will be ready for shipping. Write: Your book order ships in four weeks.
   • Is it filled with I, me, and mine? If yes, you lack a sense of audience.
7. Ensure it has purpose statement or otherwise there would be no premise:
   

   Dear Bank Customer Service,

   We have been doing business with you for 10 years. We were shocked to learn that there’s unauthorized charge made in our account. We believe we are victims of identity theft.

   This is better:

   This letter notifies you of a $239.44 unauthorized charge for Bluebook & Co., Inc. made to our VISA credit card. Please investigate and remove it. Enclosed is a copy of our the bill for the last month. Please call or write if you need more information.

8. If you find a paragraph with a fact and followed by therefore or it should be noted, then you got the point ordered incorrectly.
9. Always ask: what’s the point (you make with these facts) ? And in addition, any of these: so what? is it true? specified how? says who? Edit anything that’s not answering those questions.Look at the letter above, the point that the unauthorized charge is shocking is irrelevant. The believe that they’re victims of identity theft is also irrelevant as it’s not clear how is this specified, by whom, and what’s the supporting fact.
10. Logical error includes false appeals to authority such as in the case of anonymous authority: experts agree, a news article claimed. Being in print does not make something true. In the same vein, something endorsed by a celebrity does not make what’s being endorsed to be true because the celeb is very likely not an expert in the field.
11. Editing for coherence optimizes for coherence devices that attempts to make the document more useful by providing good styles and consistent clues. Coherence devices are useless on a document that lacks logic. Ensure you:
    • Repeat key words throughout the doc. If you tell readers about your approach, then call it process, after that procedure, then method, readers may assume you are referring to four different things. Vary only if you want to make distinctions. Refer to page 104 from Can Do Writing for a very good example.
    • Start each paragraph with a point, and only one point. Avoid beginning paragraphs with a sentence that has more than one thought as that will make readers guess which thought in the paragraph you intend to develop. Shorter point is always better.
    • Use transition words to highlight contradiction (although, despite, however, in contrast, nevertheless, etc), reinforcement (for example, in addition, in summary, specifically, etc), progression (consequently, first, second, later, subsequently, therefore, etc), and recall (earlier, formerly, previously, remember, as mentioned, etc).
    • Use vertical lists for series of like items. Make the list items gramatically parallel. Prefer using numbers as it’s easier to refer. Try keeping commentary out of your vertical lists. Restraint from embedding a list within another.
    • Use visual devices such as graphics, if any, that make a point. Don’t share all data/variable, irrelevant variables must not distract your point. Label what’s inside the graphic if needed. Add comments on the graphic after showing it. Show relationship in the data. Use the same key words. You may archive fuller graphics/tables in appendices. Remember that data by itself is not compelling, tell how it should be interpreted.
12. Writers like to confuse since (= after) with because (= causal), while (= during) with although (= despite).
13. Do not use speak lingo transition device such as this means that, or it means for transition. Replace these expressions with therefore, consequently, specifically etc.
14. When editing for clarity, make sure each sentence has only one interpretation. Don’t be ambiguous. Don’t use passive voice. Use simpler tenses. Ambiguity causes technical, economic, legal, and ethical risks. Prefer to be clearly wrong than ambiguous as colleague can then catch the mistake.
15. Mark ambiguous texts by making a quick pass through the doc in less than a minute per page.
    1. Detect passive voice. Passive voice is relevant only when the actor is unknown (my bag was stolen), unimportant (the control group was given a placebo) or embarrassed (You were improperly invoiced despite your account is inactive).
    2. It is or there are beginnings are abstract and boring. Mark sentences or clauses beginning with there or it followed by a to be verb. To fix, you need to restructure the sentence using who does what or what does what logic. So, instead of: it is necessary to use a purchase order for office supplies, write: you need a purchase order for office supplies (who does what). In academic lingo, it is common to combine it with passive voice: it is widely accepted… instead, use phrases like The medical community knows… However, don’t obsess: some sentences need it, such as it is raining.
    3. Mark this, that, these, those used as pronouns (standalone). Add context to this, that, these and those. So, instead of: read this, write: read this warning label. Replace that’s, that, this means, and this means that with a transition word such as therefore. So: this means therefore, we must store old files in the attic.
    4. Mark would, should, could as it’s ambiguous. Should (ie. You should go!) can mean {may, might, can, needs to, must/shall} go. Just eliminate it. So instead of you should not feed the bears, just write: don’t feed the bears.
16. Use concrete words instead of general/abstract words. It signals your authority and education level more than your actual title. Concrete words engage the five senses: see, hear, touch, smell and taste. So, instead of: the food was appealing, we can be very specific and concrete: the warm bread with nut-brown crust and yeasty aroma made my mouth water.
17. Don’t use vague modifiers. The word options is already plural, so adding several to it: several options, don’t add any value. Other similar modifiers: numerous, various, very, extremely, dramatic, vital. Alternatively, replace several with actual number: we have at least four options. Or: Tylenol overdose can cause liver damage instead of An overdose of Tylenol can be very dangerous.
18. Passive voice diminish your authority. So, instead of: The pipe weld was given a careful examination, and it was determined that a filler substance in the weld caused the leak. Write: A careful examination of the pipe weld showed that a filler substance in the weld caused the leak.
19. Scientific papers usually has experiment protocol written in passive voice: the rats were injected. No one cares who injected it, and if we guess wrong nothing bad happens. But even then, we can write it in active voice: each rat received one injection.
20. Use the study indicates, the pattern shows, the data suggest, the correlation implies, the experiment provides, etc. than I determined that the drug is safe or even worse it was determined that the drug is safe. Indeed, academic writing suffer passive voice the most. it is widely accepted, known, understood, believed for another look at it. Be clear always! However, still: don’t obsess. Judge yourself!
21. About half passive voice is about actions the reader doesn’t need to know, such as: the ferry is designed to transport 120 cars. If the design is an action readers don’t need to know, just write: the ferry transports 120 cars. If it’s an issue, tell who or what designed the ferry: Ferryco designed the ferry to transport 120 cars. Similarly: the scanner is located on the third floor, most likely readers don’t care who located the scanner, so just write: the scanner is on the third floor.
22. When a passive voice follows a who, which, or that you can usually eliminate the passive voice as readers don’t usually care the actor who carried the action. So, instead of: the study group was comprised of 50 males that were selected at random, write: the study group was 50 males selected at random as readers don’t care who comprised or selected the group.
23. Use present tense or any simpler tense to eliminate potential grammar error of shifting tenses within series. English tenses:
    1. Present: I write.
    2. Past: I wrote.
    3. Future: I will write.
    4. Present perfect: I have written.
    5. Past perfect: I had written.
    6. Future perfect: I will have written.
    7. Present progressive: I am writing.
    8. Past progressive: I was writing.
    9. Future progressive: I will be writing.
    10. Present perfect progressive: I have been writing.
    11. Past perfect progressive: I had been writing.
    12. Future perfect progressive: I will have been writing.
24. Avoid using future tense (usually marked with will) as it is speculative and inherently lacking conviction, thus less persuasive. Compare: the machine will operate up to one year on a AA battery vs the machine operates up to one year on a AA battery. Lawyers avoid using will as it can also mean giving a command. If command is wanted, lawyers will use shall or must. If speculative condition is desired, use may, might or can.
25. The perfect tense fall out painlessly 90% of the time. Compare: we have received your application (present perfect) vs we received your application (past), we have your application (present). Except in the case like: for more than 500 years, the bank has provided excellent services to the people. If has is removed, the statement suggests the bank stopped providing excellent services.
26. Progressive tense often exaggerates, which thus causes ambiguity. I am looking forward to seeing you means the looking does not stop the moment you write I am looking: you can’t eat, sleep, go out, and so forth. Again, use simple tense: I look forward to seeing you.
27. Remove ambiguous pronoun that does not refer back that is clear which person, place, thing or action is being referred. If the it does not equal the first person, place, thing, or action, replace the it with a noun. For instance, this is ambiguous: we increased the dose of the drug; it proved ineffective–what proved ineffective? the drug, the dose increase?
28. Use standard English. Instead of i.e. use: defined as, such as, including, for example. Professionals themselves have different answers what i.e. stands for.
29. Don’t create compound words with a slash. Slash is appropriate to show division such as miles/hour. This is bad: copy me the receipt/invoice by today. However, few slashed words have become standard English such as HIV/AIDS.
30. Don’t use and/or such as you can call and/or write to request an estimation. Authors do this to allow for theoretical possibilities, when actually we can just use or or and explicitly. Readers don’t take and/or seriously. If you must allow for multiple condition use or both as in: we can meet our budget by increasing sales or cutting costs, or both.
31. Put modifier next to the who, does or what; not in the general neighborhood: (who) the yellow dog (does) quickly buried (what) the tattered old shoe.
32. Make sure modifier has a who, a does, or a what to modify. Else, we have a dangling modifier: having interviewed 100 veterinarians, cats are cleaner than dogs. The cats conducted the interviews?
33. Put only next to the word we want to modify.
34. Passive voice and ambiguous pronouns cause many modifier problems. If we fix it, the problems disappear.
    • Despite its poor safety record, the city council awarded the contract to Acme Corporation (the city council is dangerous), change to: The city council awarded the contract to Acme Corporation despite its poor safety record.
    • After lying on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean for 70 years, the photographers brought back pictures of the Titanic (the photographers are so dedicated), change to: The photographers brought back pictures of the Titanic that for 70 years lying on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
35. Don’t put a series of modifiers next to the word modified: I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith (what’s the name of the other leg?), change to: I met a man named Smith. He had a wooden leg.
36. Shorter is better:
    1. Cut useless (buried) verbs by finding actions buried in nouns and modifiers and use them as verbs. So, instead of: we conducted an investigation of your home and made the determination that you are in violation of windowing laws, write: we investigated your business and determine that you violate windowing laws.
    2. Cut useless prepositions as English prepositions often causing genuine confusion: we write notes down, then we go back to the office in order to type the notes up. If you’ve to use a preposition, try to use one word: Indicate as to whether or not. Doing this also help avoid ambiguous subject-verb agreement: decide if any of these values need (needs?) to change, instead: decide if any value needs to change. If preposition is absolutely needed, make sure it’s literally true: look up the window as it’s physically doable, but look up my address should be replaced with find my address.
    3. Cut who, which, and that. When combined with to-be verb we can simply strike the words: employees who are assigned to the project must submit a clearance form that can be found in the package that was prepared specifically for you. In other cases, don’t be shy to cut them all: access the data that will have already been loaded onto your hard drive. But, in case when 2 ideas are involved, that is likely required to separate them: scientists warn that global warming is accelerating
    4. Cut useless repetition. Increase your text’s coherence.
    5. Cut redundancy where you say the same thing in other words. If you begin a sentence with in other words, you are already in trouble. Rather than restating, add value by defining words, providing examples, analogies and pictures. Also beware of doubling and tripling quirk of the English language: null and void, right and proper, etc. as in: please approve and accept our offer.
    6. Cut useless, wordy comments such as as you may already know (if readers don’t already know, you just called them stupid), instead, use: please remember. Also avoid restating the obvious: the expressed purpose of this report is to, within the realm of possibilities, describes ways to improve our employee health plan. The reader already knows that most things have a purpose, an intent, a goal, a design, or possibilities. Also avoid incorporating self-evident words such as three feet in length. Another bad example: on the form in question, called F-1TAX, please write your claim number in the blank space provided on line 5.
    7. Cut extra oral modifiers that waste time in print, such as: when we finally found the car, the battery was completely dead obviously. Some words already has some embedded meaning that its modifier is not needed, such as: absolutely sure, complete annihilation, honest truth, most unique, advance forward, join together, previous experience, etc.
37. Don’t overdo mannerism to avoid sounding archaic, bureaucratic, or insincere: we would like to take this opportunity to extend our most heartfelt and genuine … sounds insincere compared to a simple thank you.
38. Limit your long words to 10 to 15 per 100 to keep your writing at high-school level.
39. Use shorter, but sensible alternative to whatever longer word you are using. For example: use more instead of additional.